Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Snapdragon's 2016 Oscars Fashion Police

Every year, Mom and I like to compare notes on what we thought of Oscars fashion.  I don't really care who wins what award, I just wanna see what they're wearing.  So are you ready for this year's Fashion Police?  I picked 30 ladies from the E! Online gallery because men's clothes are boring.  The ones I liked least are at the top, the ones I liked best are at the bottom, but the middle part isn't necessarily in much of an order because it's a bunch of things that I liked okay but didn't lurve.  So let's go.

What the WHAT, Amy Poehler.  Uh, this looks like my great-grandmother's big comfy bathrobe.

Kerry Washington:  It's like motorcycle chick on top and kinda slutty bride on the bottom.  Does a slit need to go up high enough for TV viewers to do a pelvic exam?

Isn't Heidi Klum supposed to know from fashion?  I don't like the cutout, I don't like the one-sleeve, and the gauzy material makes this look like a 1970s prom reject but in an Easter color.

Maybe this one should have gone at the top.  Again, I don't like the cutout in the middle, I think Rooney Mara needs to wear some color.  But not that lip color, that and her hair are way too harsh.

I don't really know who Sandy Powell is, I think she's a costume designer, in which case this outfit is lookin' pretty FIERCE.  But I don't think anyone else could sell it.

So, all the guys have like 95% of their skin covered and the women show up in something like this.  You fail, Olivia Wilde.  I don't think the neckline is doing anything for her...a.) it's not really close to her neck so does it really qualify as a neckline and b.) it looks like her poor chest is squished down and I bet there's tape involved.

Lady Gaga isn't on top of the worst-dressed list, so progress.  The top of this is pretty flattering, but the pants/skirt thing is a bit odd.  But better than a meat dress.

Not a fan of Jennifer Lawrence's dress.  I don't like that dirty dishwater color on the top, or the skirt.  Actually I don't like any of it.  But her makeup is nice...

I think the plunging neckline on Charlize Theron's gown is too plungy to be classy.  Side boob shouldn't be a thing, y'all.

Jennifer Garner doesn't look like she's having much fun in this asymmetric black dress.  I miss the purple feathers she had a couple years ago.

Olivia Munn gets points for choosing this bright orange color that's different from everyone else on the red carpet, and her lipstick color is also perfect for this dress.  I like that the top of this is a little bit different but it's still pretty streamlined and classy.

I think there's jut a little too much happening on the top of Patricia Arquette's dress, but her hair and makeup are on point and the color looks lovely on her.

Daisy Ridley (from the new Star Wars movie) looks just ever-so-slightly casual in this silver frock, I think it feels more casual to me because it's not ballgown length.  But great lip color again and I love all her silver accessories--that bracelet, chunky ring, and glitzy shoes.

Emily Blunt is pregnant, right?  Because she looks pregnant and adorbz in this dress.

I am digging the soft watercolor element on Isla Fisher's dress, and that metallic belt.  Great job, Isla.

Kate Winslet was on the Worst-Dressed List at E! Online but I disagree.  I think this dress is out of some kind of highly reflective fabric and I think it looks cool and not like she's wearing a giant rubber hose, which is kinda what they said.  I think she looks curvy and gorgeous.

Whoopi Goldberg is here showing us how to dress if you're not a Hollywood twig.  Though I kinda miss the wild hats she used to wear on Star Trek:  The Next Generation, she's looking pretty fab here.

I want to like Rachel McAdams' dress, I really do, but it's just not working for her.  I think the cut is all wrong on her--the way the top is done it seems to accentuate her ribcage rather than her curves...actually it makes it look like she needs a sandwich.  And again with the too-high slit.

Saoirse Ronan is slightly more successful in this dress.  Similar color but it seems to fit her body type better than Rachel's.  I'd like it if her hair looked more finished though.

Robin Roberts is looking FIERCE in this and I love it.  The halter top on this is much more flattering than Rachel McAdams' dress (sorry Rachel).

Isn't Lara Spencer the host of Flea Market Flip on HGTV?  Not sure why she's at the Oscars but I do love her dress.  A.) fabulous color and b.) love the twisty knot detail.  And her hair is loose but it looks great and not like an afterthought.

Cate Blanchett was the only one who really stood out to Mom.  I like the color on this dress, I think it's working on her, and she's got a plunging neckline without giving everything away.  I read some of the reviews of this dress on E!, and I think maybe they have a point where it looks better from farther away because close-up it looks like craft feathers.  But I like how it looks in this pic.

Margot Robbie came in costume as an Oscar.  I like the dress, I really do, and the plunging neckline on this one is still on the positive side of classy, but I feel like she needs a little more...something.  Something different with her hair, some statement jewelry, something.  But I like the dress.

Reese Witherspoon looks lovely in purple, but I don't dig that peplum thing peeking out behind her right arm.  Or is it a giant bow on her butt?  This is the only picture I have of this dress, so I don't know.  But she gets an A+++ for hair, makeup, and jewels.

Sorry Reese, but I like Tina Fey's purple dress better than yours :)  However, if I was her stylist, instead of the giant chunky necklace I would have done some kind of jewels in her hair and a bracelet.

Here's Julianne Moore with another plunging neckline (that must be The Thing this year) but hers doesn't go to her navel and the decorative beaded straps add some oomph.  I like it.  And also the A-line skirt.

Alicia Vikander did something different on the red carpet, and I like it.  I like that she's the only one I saw in yellow and she's the only one with a bubble hem dress too.  Not sure I would wear one, but it looks cute on her and the yellow looks good on her.

I admit, I don't know who Brie Larson is but I have to give her a shout-out for this gorgeous dress.  Classy and fabulous!  Love the royal blue and the wide fancy belt.

Usually I like color (and lots of it) but this dress on Maria Menounos is totally stunning.  I like the pattern in the fabric, she's working the silver (which I can't because of my skintone) and she just looks fabulous.

And my favorite dress of the evening:  Naomi Watts.  I love how the beads are a bit iridescent so you see different colors from different angles; one of the other pictures I saw of this dress, the skirt made her look like a mermaid.  Which is a good thing in this case.  Naomi Watts, you win the Snapdragon 2016 Oscars Fashion Police.  : D